Square Enix Press Conference - Gi E32018 Recap #4

Take a moment and dream with me. It’s the biggest and most anticipated day of the year. The moment you have been waiting for since E3 of last year. It’s the day of Square Enix's E3 2018 Presentation. You are bursting with excitement, so much so, that maybe you even pee a little. You run and sit down on the couch, pull out the live stream and let Square Enix take you on an adventure. Your body starts to tingle in anticipation for what is about to happen to it. Kingdom Hearts 3 is no longer a distant dream and gets a solid release date. You start crying as they announce a sequel for The World Ends With You thats coming out for the Switch.You drop to your knees as the trailer for Nier: Automata 2 plays. You hug your knees and rock on the floor while sobbing as Chrono Trigger is being remastered for all consoles. You start convulsing as the new Life is Strange comes on the screen. You feel your breath start to leave your mortal shell as you hear the gameplay of a new and overhauled Star Ocean. And then you depart from this plane of existence as you see Cloud Strife staring down the One Winged Angel. You are no longer bound by the laws of physics but your soul feels what happens next. “Coming Early 2019” rings throughout the universe for all to feel. Ecstasy. Then, just for a moment, think about what it would be like if pretty much none of that shit happened.

(What was that? I cant hear you over the sound of our fans dying)

1. Shadow of the Tomb Raider

E3 2018 for Square Enix was… something, I guess. It opened with a pretty intense trailer for new Shadow of the Tomb Raider, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel any level of excitement. Lara Croft is fighting with a plane that’s going down, someone falls off the plane, she crashes on an island and has to stealthily take out enemies to stop a Mayan Apocalypse. Thats the most original story I have ever heard of. The game looks good and all, but it also feels like the same thing I have seen countless times. With 5 Uncharted games and almost 11 Tomb Raider games, I’m sorry, but I just don’t care anymore.

2. Final Fantasy XIV

After the same recycled trailer, the next announcement was for Final Fantasy XIV, the online MMO. They showed, not a new DLC, but a new patch? The patch Under the Moonlight includes new quests, items, new bosses and a new raid set in Ivalice, the world from Final Fantasy XII. While the patch looks promising, and is free for people who purchased the newest Stormblood DLC, I can’t help but feel frustrated that they wasted my time showing a PATCH at the biggest game reveal conference of the year

3. The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit

The video suddenly takes on a much lighter tone as the trailer plays for The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit. This is the new game from DONTNOD Entertainment, the same company that brought us Life is Strange and the newly released Vampyr. Recognizing Life is Strange as a great experience, I must admit that it isn’t my type of game. What I found odd was the fact that the 2 Creative Directors of DONTNOD Entertainment said “Captain Spirit is not Life is Strange 2, but…”.I felt like I could see the passion in their eyes as they talked about their game, but that one sentence made it feel like not even they were confident in its release. While this game will not be on my radar either, I can’t help but feel excited that it is being released as completely free. These developers just genuinely want us to be as passionate about their game as they are, and I respect that a lot.

4. Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age

After this, I felt a lightly renewed sense of hope, but it was soon shoved back down my throat again. The trailer for Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age started playing, and I just sank back into my seat disappointed. While I am a fan of the series, this game has literally been out in japan for a year already for PS4 and the Nintendo 3DS. While it’s cool an English version has been announced, get that shit off of my E3 screen. The game is the same generic story, same generic fighting, and what sounds like horrendous voice acting. Needless to say, I am a little disheartened at this point.

5. Babylon's Fall

The next trailer starts playing and it’s something that I don’t recognize. The next trailer comes from the new title Babylon’s Fall. The trailer really doesn’t give us anything besides epic music and still photos with odd dates that mean nothing. I was way more intrigued at the end when it said it is being developed by Platinum Games, the developers of the amazing Nier; Automata.

6. Speaking of Nier... And then, almost as if any of this was planned at all, there was a short trailer for Nier; Automata as its Xbox One release was announced. While this is great news as more people get the opportunity to play this masterpiece, THIS IS E3 WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

7. Just Cause 4

Next was the moment that none of us were waiting for, the trailer for Just Cause 4. Honestly, I tuned out this whole gameplay video when it played live. I figured it would be the same thing the previous installments brought. When I went back to rewatch the video, I was pleasantly correct. Boring.

8. The Quiet Man

I still, to this day, am not quite sure what happened next. They say it was a trailer for a game called The Quiet Man. All I saw was a shitty live action video with acting that looked like it was out of Teen Wolf. I watched in horror as the movie went into what felt like gameplay from an old PS3 game. I think it’s about a deaf man that beats up gangsters in alleys, but it also could be a metaphor for Square Enix being deaf to what their consumers want. The world may never know.

9. Kingdom Hearts 3 (Yes that's the same trailer as Xbox)

The next video came as no surprise to anyone. More Kingdom Hearts 3 gameplay. Can I rant for a few minutes guys? Ok, let me get this off of my chest. I have been watching Kingdom Hearts 3 gameplay for ALMOST. 7. YEARS. It’s the same thing. Every time. Let me go back and explain that I am a huge Kingdom Hearts fan. I’ve played all of them, multiple times, and I even have a Sora tattoo because the series is remarkably important to me. But please. Square Enix please. Show me something else. You have been teasing this game since its concept in 2006. What’s even more frustrating is that this game looks almost like a jumbled mess. I don’t even know if there is a cohesive story at this point, the voice acting is atrocious at parts, and they keep trying to add more disney worlds, almost as a bandaid. I will absolutely be standing in line at midnight to get my copy of the most expensive version, but Square Enix isn’t making me feel great about one of my most cherished games of all time. Rant done.I was also thinking all of those exact words as the trailer played. But once my evil monologue was over, so too was the trailer, and so too was Square Enix’s performance.

(Johnny Depp, please save my favorite franchise)

Everything was silent for a moment as time stood still. In their room and mine. Square Enix gave us a 30 minute video that contained absolutely nothing. I kept watching in silence (it was actually an impressive string of curse words) as the live stream ended, hoping for an after-the-credits scene and literally hoping for it to be a joke. Sadly, nothing else came after, and it was indeed a joke. Does it sound like I’m mad? I’m not. The game company that changed my life is just becoming laughable. I’m not bitter at all.